Stasi Wolf by David Young

Author:David Young [Young, David]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781785762888
Publisher: Bonnier Zaffre
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

33

Six months earlier: March 1975

Komplex VIII, Halle-Neustadt

Being back in Halle-Neustadt is a little bittersweet, I must admit. I can’t stop thinking of Stefi. I suppose I knew it would be like this, that it would make me sad. I tried to convince Hansi that perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea. That it might make me feel a bit funny again. But Hansi says that’s what the Ministry want him to do. He’ll be going back to his old job at the chemical factory, at Leuna. But as well as that, he’s involved in preparations for something important happening here – in Ha-Neu. He won’t say what it is.

Of course, we couldn’t get exactly the same flat back. Our old one’s been reallocated to another young family. Hansi did manage to secure a nice two-bed apartment on the edge of Ha-Neu, near the Ministry for when he needs to go in there. We’re on the top floor, facing almost due north, so we don’t get as much sun as I’d like. But I still enjoy standing at the window looking out at the view. To the left the Dölauer Heath, and a glimpse of Heidesee. It would have been nice to have taken Stefi there. Still, it wasn’t to be. And then in the other direction, the Saale and Peissnitz island. I saw the little train chugging along the river bank the other day. Stefi would have loved that. I used to take her there in the pram some days, you know, when she wouldn’t stop crying.

*

Hansi knows I’m sad. He knows what I really want. But things haven’t been very good in that department. I don’t know if it’s that he’s getting older, but he sometimes – what’s the phrase again? – oh yes, sometimes he doesn’t quite have enough lead in his pencil. I try to be gentle. Try not to put pressure on him. But it’s not just men who have needs; women do too, you know.

*

We’ve been trying again. For a little one. We have to be careful. The doctor told him last time that there’s something wrong with my blood circulation. If I do get pregnant again, then I may have to take some special pills to help with it. Otherwise the pressure of my enlarging womb can apparently squeeze the blood vessels, stop blood getting to my head, and I could faint. I asked Hansi if he thought I was too old now – after all, I’m past forty. If he thought it was all too dangerous. He seems to think everything will be all right, but it may take a long time, and I shouldn’t get my hopes up too much. But actually, thinking about it, my strawberry weeks have stopped again. I suppose it’s just my age.

*

Oh my word! You wouldn’t believe it. You absolutely wouldn’t. You know I said my strawberry weeks had stopped? I thought maybe it was my age, so I wasn’t holding out much hope when Hansi said we should try again for another child.

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